i+alia a to z :: r, X and [wh]y - remembering the roman right to die

most of what i am doing now is remembering. i have been from rome to waterloo to scotland to liverpool to milan with not much time for interruption. interruption defined as moments between moments, ruptures for thought, etc. trying to find the best way to define the prefix inter- i inadvertently came across the definition for inter: google definition, verb, 'place (a corpse) in a grave or tomb, typically with funeral rights.'

i thought, well isn't that coincidental since this chapter was meant for our experience at the catacombs of st. callixtus in rome, the first burial sites and worship spaces of Xians in the city. however, my rememberings of these things have been much disrupted of late by the perpetual internment of Black bodies seemingly for the sake of White society's safety. and now legal precedence offers young Black men the right to die if they coincidentally incite White terror. but 'we are a nation of laws' after all.

Hilaria (pronounced ee-lah-ree-ah), our guide at the catacombs, was careful to explain that the early Xians did not hide in these tombs. these were public spaces provided to the Xian communities for the burial of their dead. you see, it was not illegal to be a Xian. the empire prided itself on inclusivity and plurality. what was illegal was meeting in groups. the romans knew the danger of allowing people to organize.

anonymity ran deep in these early communities. the bone shelves were intermingled, citizen and slave, often marked with little more than a shell or first name. although, [important = wealthy] figures and families lay together in larger rooms providing enclosures for writing symbols and enacting sacrament. so, as Hilaria explained, Xians were not hiding their meetings - not that they were advertising them either. they were, rather, exercising their right to die if they were caught in violation of roman law, rome extended the right to die to citizens and enslaved alike: one may break the law, but in breaking the law, one opts for death. Xians chose martyrdom in the advent that they were caught with two or more gathered. Hilaria was careful to preserve this choice for the early Xians. hiding submits to persecution. anonymity affords agency. anonymity is a posture of survival.

but why is it that consent is required for martyrdom? isn't the absence of choice what distinguishes martyrdom from suicidal zealotry? and i thought, a hood then is an apt symbol for Xian identity in America today where the empire's right to die is still extended apparently.

but it matters who wears the hood and why doesn't it. race matters folks! it mattered in the martyrdom of Trayvon Martin. i say this because some have doubts, some smart people. even a review of the trial proceedings, however, cannot offer a complete picture, especially since the prosecution did a poor job and zimmerman DID NOT have a public defender. but 'we are a nation of laws,' and keeping race out of the courtroom (maybe gender too?) amounts to appointing an all White, all woman-identifying jury. w-t-FL?

White is a race just in case one hasn't read even just a little of the last several decades of race critical theory. a jury of zimmerman's peers? maybe. does a jury of one's peers beget justice? perhaps not, especially if that jury shares one's concerns for preserving privileges. why not a jury of Trayvon Martin's peers? let's just all be honest about the UN-likelihood of a Black, man and/or male identifying person being appointed to that jury. why not young people better equipped to identify with a young person's actions? Trayvon Martin was old enough to die.

there are A LOT and a lot better opinions that have hit the wires over this case for sure. and mine is an anonymous kind of voice. i don't expect to get much traffic. i don't want it either, lest i fall into the sin juror B37's capitalization on crucifixion. again, w-t-FL? please tell me that post*opportunism is grounds for a retrial because she has arguably called into question her credibility as a reasonable human being. oh, forgive me. we live in the empire where ambition and the tenacious protection of one's property outweigh reason every time.

there it is, the heart of the matter. it takes us back a little further in the Xian story to a Jew from Nazareth and the difference between citizen and slave, owner and usurper. as a member of the owning class, it will be very difficult for me to claim a Xian identity at the end of the day, like a camel trying to pass through the eye of a needle. i would have to give up all i hold dear and still, there is the recognition that i have that choice.

real martyrs do not have that choice. their lives are taken for the sake of things a hood will not cover. no, i do not need many to read this ramble. this is a statement of my preferential option for those who do not have their day in court. this is reminder for myself and hopefully for others who share my privilege to think twice about their neutrality, ambivalence, or worship of law when death is at hand.